high people should be assigned attendants
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Let's paint friendship bongs
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
