How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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