I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
