Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
