She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
