it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
