I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
