you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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