I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
