Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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