I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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