you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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