69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
