I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
