i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
