If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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