I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I look better un-naked...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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