last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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