He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
