you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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