her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
