forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
