I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
