Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
