highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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