I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
