She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
