i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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