My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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