I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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