fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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