I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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