I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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