I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
