You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
