Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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