This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
