DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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