remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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