The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
