And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
