it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You smell like stripper and shame
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
