Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize