I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
