Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
