Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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