Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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