i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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