please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Edward fifth and chaser hands
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
