Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
