there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Someone shattered a urinal.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
