I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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