I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
