you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize