If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The uberlube is also flammable
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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