He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
