I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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