That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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