I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i need some magic done to my vagina
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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