god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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