I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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