he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
