When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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