i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
