do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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