just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
