so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
